glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
