On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
