NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
