I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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