it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
