his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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