why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
