I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
