meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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