Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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