Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
