I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
