the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
