Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
