i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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