and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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