walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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