My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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