that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
