Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
