This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
