I just made out with a guy for $7.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
