I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
