He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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