Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
