i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
