she was so not down for the gang bang
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
