This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
