Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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