the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
