I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
