my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
