I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
