just come out here and I will go home with you...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
