Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
