you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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