Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
