glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
