Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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