What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Fuck appropriateness.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
