Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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