Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
