Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
