So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
