This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
