Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
