the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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