I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize