It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
