guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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