ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
ok first of all what the fuck
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
