Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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