i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
