All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
