i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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