i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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