i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
