I'd wear matching sweaters with you
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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