No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
