Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
