i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
