I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
