I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
