I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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